Archive for July, 2010

Through the Rear-View Mirror

Oh why rebuke you him that loves you so?

(Midsummer Night’s Dream)

It sucks to have the truth shoved in your face. This applies to a lot of things in life – your weight, your skills, your relationships, etc. Sometimes, the hallucinations we force unto ourselves can get shattered and at the end of the day perhaps we’re left driving alone at front and watching the love of our life walk away through the rear-view mirror.

At times, it gets numb feeling lonely. An addiction that was once so sweet, so enamoring that you used to spend hours deciding what to wear could get so meaningless. The once warm hand on your shoulder becomes a clammy claw that, while itching to get it off, feels just in place.

Sometimes, it could just be stress. There could be too many things layed out in front of us that the paranoid freak comes out every now and then and sees danger where none exists. In other words, perhaps it’s nothing, perhaps we’re just oversimplifying the details we see. Right.

If it’s a matter of personal growth, we could all testify that were better than who we were a year ago, a month ago, yesterday. He who used to wear his heart on his sleeve is now more protective. She who used to fall for every jerk, asshole, bastard who gave her the time of the day is now more discerning. 

The thing is though, even if a reality slap is needed to ground us every now and then, it sucks that the way we thought we were heading was a dead end. Perhaps, all we need is to look through the rear-view mirror and see who is sitting them. And more importantly, who is not sitting there.



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The Other Woman

Slut. Whore. Man-stealing bitch. Tramp. The OTHER woman. Call it what you will, you know what I’m referring to – the cold bitch we all loathe in our Hollywood RomComs who steals the leading guy from his true love. Yeah, her.

LOATHING. That is the universal emotion we all feel when we hear the term ‘The Other Woman.’ No matter who she is, no matter what she looks like, no matter where she’s coming from, we hate her. You meet a girl walking down the street and a friend tells you she’s that kind of girl and you immediately feel distaste for her, no explanation demanded.

This demands two questions, (a) what emotions are triggered within us that inherently makes us hate her and, more importantly (b) is she worth loathe to begin with?

The answer to the first is easy – FEAR. We’ve all had our boyfriends and no matter how confident we claim to be, we are protective of our men. It’s inate, borderline possessive, but it comes natural. When you hear of a woman whoring around with another girl’s man, you feel empathy to the latter girl due to fear that another woman could steal your man. You understand the fear of losing your man.

More importantly is the inate nature of people to be competitive. Logically speaking, if a girl is to whore around with a guy, that means she’s hot, maybe even hotter than the girlfriend. In other words, sluttiness is only allowed if you have the looks to back it up. Seeing her with your man would raise old insecurities about feeling ugly and unwanted. 

I am not saying that these feelings are unimportant nor negligible. On the other hand, I believe them to be really strong emotions with a valid underlying reason. However, I pray you stay with me for my next point of contention.

We have to understand where the Other Woman is coming from.

First of all, isn’t it weird that in cases like this, the Other Woman is the villain and the guy goes scotch-free? ‘Oh, honey I forgive you and I understand why you did that. It’s the fault of that stupid slutty tramp secretary of yours!’ A woman would feel hurt in cases of infidelity and in order for her to be able to process it, someone HAS to be the bad guy. It can’t be her boyfriend, goodness no, he’s perfect. The Other Woman serves as the perfect villain. 

Tyra Banks, in her Tyra Show, said that women should be more empathic towards each other. Ironically speaking, the girlfriend and the Other Woman have a lot more in common than they would give themselves credit for. 

It takes BALLS to be the Other Woman. Keeping your emotions hidden. Staring at your phone waiting for him to leave his wife so he could call. Knowing that the guy you’re with is with another woman most of the time. Knowing he once told someone else that he loved her. Knowing that you’re falling deeply into an emotional black hole with another woman’s man.

At the end of the day, we all go home looking for someone to love, someone to be with when the going gets tough. Sometimes we just want to take the risk of being hurt in the face of a long shot at love.

Personally, I dont loo down on the Other Woman. I don’t hate her. I don’t loathe her. I don’t pity her. I applaud her. I applaud her confidence and her strengths. I know where she’s coming from. I can feel for her. I understand her pains, her dilemmas and her heartache.

I could never be the Other Woman. Not just because I’m not as emotionally strong as I would think I am and because I’ve stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve. No. I could never be the Other Woman because I’m the type of person who wants all of my man. All of him or nothing at all. And I wouldn’t share. And I wouldn’t beg. But more importantly, I cannot be with someone who I know can be seduced by Another Woman.

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Nikki Gil plays the sassy Elle Woods in this Atlantis production of the hit Broadway show.

For the sake of being appropriate, I was supposed to wear pink last night. And, yes, if you’ve seen my wardrobe, that’s not necessarily a far-off task. However, I had to meet up with a friend earlier and decided to wear a more heterosexual white shirt.

Digressing because I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who cares what I wore, I watched Atlantis’ production of Legally Blonde last night. I watched alone.

Me: Ayoko mag-mall mag-isa! Napaka-loser ko naman!

Friend: Eh, manunuod ka nga ng Legally Blonde mag-isa.

It’s quite hard to find people interested in watching theater musicals. Oh well.

The show itself was fun. I didn’t have the extraordinary expectations I had when watching Rent. It was just two hours of hip, sassy, bendin’ and snappin’ fun. Sure, the book and text were quite literal, making this production a more pop-centered one (quite obvious from the non-theater crowd it drew) instead of a more elitist one (like Rent, which sold out a month before it opened)

Side note: Watching a theater production gives me a certain high. It’s that feeling that a smile is plastered on your face for two hours because you’re just so happy you’re in the moment. Some people like to shop, some people to party at dance clubs, some people like to shoot some hoops, me, I’m just happy watching a performance. (By the way, just because I’m happy, doesn’t imply that  I can’t critically judge it, mind you.)

Nikki Gil sounded just like Laura Bell. A lot of people, myself included, had a lot of apprehension when they announced Gil’s casting in the play. It did seem, however, that the apprehension was less focused on the singing but more on the appearance. Face it, Filipinos just don’t look good blonde. That being said, I thought she did a great job in the play.

Special mention to Jinky Llamanzares, Geneva Cruz and Jett Pangan who perfectly portrayed the roles of Paulette, Brooke and Professor Callahan respectively. It was the character as the text suggested and they were able to own the roles so effortlessly that it was just a blast when they were on stage. Credits also to Felix Rivera who was one of the ensemble. Coming from Orosman, Avenue Q and, now, Legally Blonde, he is starting to become my favorite theater actor.

And that’s it. I’m still going to create a more critical paper to pass in my theater class that exceeds ‘It was sooo pretty and pink!’ While I feel that I have the ability and the ascendancy to do a theater review, I don’t think it’s appropriate to post it publicly given that I belong to this industry (and not as a critic!) and, who knows, I might work with or under the people I write negative reviews for. Better to be on everyone’s good side. 🙂

Catch the closing week of Atlantis’ Legally Blonde on July 16 to 18 at the Meralco Theater

For ticket inquiries, contact Atlantis at 8927078

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I Dream of Faeries

Tonight, I finished reading Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. We’re all required to write a paper on this by tomorrow (I’m doing mine after this blog!) but before I do that I just want to throw around some unstructured and unsubstantial comments.

  • The play was surprisingly understandable! I always thought Shakespeare is ridiculously difficult to understand but I surprised myself by understanding the flow of the story. Although, the dialogue of those fairies were just too ridiculously poetic that I had to consult footnotes, but mostly everything felt fun.
  • It’s FUNNY! Like seriously, ROTFLOL funny! The Mechanicals are just awesome characters and I hope Shakespeare should have written a play just about them. There are ridiculously a lot of punchlines in this play.
  • Helena is a two-faced backstabbing bitch. Hermia is a short hormonal slut. (Eww, misogynist much?)
  • I seriously want to be a part of a production of this! I want to be Helena Hermia Hippolyta okay fine either Bottom or Puck. This is such a fun play!
  • If we were to analyze this story using conventional writing techniques, I think the plot with the magical eyedrops lasted too short (just one and a half act) when it was the main thrust of the story. (Not that I mind much given that Act V was about the Mechanicals) Also, the resolution of Lysander’s magical problem felt a little contrived and unfleshed-out. PUTANG INA I’M CRITIQUING SHAKESPEARE!
  • Helena is sort of like Glee’s Brittany. She has awesome lines that make you love her stupidity.
  • King Oberon and Puck come off as gay. Really really gay. Not necessarily for each other though.
  • I would have preferred it if Lysander and Demetrius’ enchantments made them fall in love with each other. Wouldn’t that be more fun?! Although, this was sort of the plot to Were the World Mine, a gay film with A Midsummer Night’s Dream as a reference point. A little mediocre personally, but it has quaint musical numbers.

Since I have to work on my paper, I’ll stop here. This is a musical number from Were the World Mine and the lyrics used are various lines from A Midsummer Night’s Dream. And, yes, it’s awesome. Really really gay, but awesome.

I see their knavery, 
This is to make an ass of me, 
To fright me – if they could. 
But I will not stir from this place – 
do what they can 
I will work up and down here. 

And I will sing that they shall hear, 
That I am not, I am not afraid, 
I am not afraid 

I know not by what power I made bold, 
But still you flout my insufficiencies
The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace. 

My ear should catch your voice; my eye, your eye, 
My tongue should catch your tongue, sweet melody, 
My tongue your tongue were the world mine 

And I will sing that they shall hear 
That I am not, I am not afraid, 
I am not afraid 

Faeries away, fetch me that flower 
(up and down and up and down) 
I will lead them up and down

Faeries away, swift as a shadow 
(up and down and up and down) 
I will lead them up and down

Oh why rebuke you him that loves you so
Lay breath so bitter, on your bitter foe
On your bitter foe

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed? 
I pray thee gentle mortal sing again – 
I pray thee gentle mortal sing, again 

Mine ear is much enamored of thy note 
So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape 
I’ll follow thee 
I’ll follow thee 
and make a heaven of hell 
I’ll follow thee 
I’ll follow thee 
And make a heaven of hell 

[And make a heaven of hell] 

(Faeries away, fetch me that flower 
up and down and up and down 
I will lead them up and down) 

(Faeries away, swift as a shadow 
up and down and up and down 
I will lead them up and down) 

(Faeries away, fetch me that flower 
up and down and up and down 
I will lead them up and-) 

(Faeries away, swift as a shadow 
up and down and up and down 
I will lead them up and down!) 

[My ear should catch your voice, 
My eye should catch your eye, 
My tongue your tongue were the world mine]

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A wise man once said that one mistake is forgivable. But repeated again and again, you deserve to die. Well, I just added the ‘die’ part, I forgot how this particular saying ends.

Today was a horrible day for a simple reason. I forgot I had class. Like, seriously. Or, to make it sound prettier, I forgot I had class at 9AM and thought it begins at 11. (Nevermind the fact that it’s already, you know, JULY and I have already adjusted.) I usually set my alarm clock to go off 2 hours before class, giving me an hour to check the internet (DON’T JUDGE!), thirty minutes to shower and dress and thirty minutes to get to class. Last night, I set my alarm clock at 9, reassuring myself that my class starts at 11am. 

I woke up at 9, yawned and wished I could sleep longer. I dragged my laptop out and started checking the usual sites. Thankfully, connection seemed to lag in one my frequented sites that I had a shower earlier than expected (at 9:45 rather than at 10) When I came out, I noticed something odd. This really, really gay friend of mine who has a class later than me (me at 9, he at 10) is no longer online. And I wondered why is he going to class so effing early at…..10 AM!!! It was at this time that it hit me. I panicked when I saw the digits at the top. 10:03.

I missed PE. And I’m late for English. To put it in context, tap dance is my favorite class so far. Merely because it’s the class I’m the best at. (Although O.I. is a good second choice, but it’s a once-a-week class so lesser fun. And 160 for the awesome classmates.) I can’t believe I was ABSENT in my favorite class and I was not even aware of it! Long story short, I picked up the first shirt, underwear and pants I saw and put them on. I grabbed the assigned essay to be passed for english, rushed out and raced to UP, where I was 20 minutes late to english. And the shirt I grabbed was the shirt I wore yesterday. Urgh.

I could have forgiven this absent-minded thinking. But it’s not the first time. Just last Friday was the deadline for submission of poems for OI. And I wrote it on my planner. I was thinking about it the day before. And I only remembered it again during class itself. If I wasn’t so familiar with my favorite poem Sa Tore ng Walang Kasagutan, that I could mostly rewrite it by memory, I have no idea what poem I would have passed.

I feel so stressed recently. APM-ing for DUP’s 35th anniversary and co-moderating the CBR forums are taking their toll on me. However, this is not stress, I’m-a-quit-next-week type stress. I just feel challenged by all these and I really need to learn how to budget my time so I can still be an APM, a mod and be a good theater student all at the same time.

Remember the goal for this sem:

The elusive uno GWA.


To close, I hope that my absence in today’s tap class doesn’t affect my 1.0 goal too negatively. I hope I can still catch up the new steps by Thursday.  Maybe I should talk to Professor Kimpo. It’s not as if I, you know, deliberately missed class. It was an inadvertent absence. 🙂

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